At age 21. My theme in this rendering of my image was "symmetry".

I wanted to see myself as centered and being in charge of my experiences.

At that time, I was in an emotionally abusive environment that took strength to get out of.

The drawing process felt like a focused attention on building that strength and I did make the changes that I needed.

A few years later when I made this card, a mentor who had given me many encouragements surprised me with his response.

He said that it seemed a bit nacissistic. I had never heard that word before and I was crushed when I looked up the meaning.

I felt embarrassed that others might think the same thing and the sense of empowerment from the image felt reduced.

I gave the card out gingerly after that and before long I got an overwhelmingly possitive reaction from one man.

He immediately pulled hundreds of dollars out of his wallet and wanted me to create another self-portrait.

He said he viewed artists' self-portraits to be of lasting significance for talented artists.

I did not expect my first commissioned piece to be a self-portrait.

Age 25

This is pencil (graphite, charcoal and white conte) on grey paper.
I started off quite joyful and gung-ho with a focused theme of "asymmetry".
My first work sessions went so magically that I could not even connect to my own efforts.
I had a melt-down and slipped into a sudden state of sadness and feeling like I had lost all sense of myself.
The portraits were created viewing a mirror and thoughts of the narcissist were haunting me and I could not see myself anymore.
I thought the mood would pass... I thought about drawing a crying woman to let out the emotions while I waited for it to pass.
I fretted that the light had changed that was coming through the window, and it truly and completely had changed.
I made promises to myself as the excuse-making made me feel so lame and doubt my professionalism.
In the future, I would take a down payment, but never full payment in advance.
I promised if I ever did another self-portrait, it would be a crying woman.
My epifany:
If we try to crush our greatest weekness, we also crush our greatest strength.
Traits are neither good nor bad, they just are what they are (like a coin with two sides).
The drawing came to represent accepting my 'sensitive' self as neutral substance in changing contexts.
My melt-down was also my reaction to my loved ones turning down my proposal to sell the original portrait to the client.
The client would have loved the original one and the people closest to me flat out said they did not believe I would finish the new one.
I was inwardly angry at their lack of faith in me and also promised to make the new portrait the best thing I'd ever done.
Winter passed and when the light returned through the window, the portrait was finished to the best of by skills.
I hand made a teak frame from one piece of wood.

Age 49
In a life drawing class the day came for the assignment of a self-portrait.
That meant I had to acknowledge my promise for my next one to be the crying woman.
I began this in the mirror, but finished the eyes from an image taken holding my camera were the mirror was.
It is on board with tinted gesso applied with my hands and then sanded and layered with pencils and clear sealers.

Age 50

Another teacher assigned the class to create a self-portrait.

It's from a self-portrait photo with the light through the blinds.

About to get my bachelors degree in Psychology with a minor in Art.
Still trying to find myself and know myself and figure out where I fit in.